Veteran adult film director Mike Quasar (
World-renowned slacker, aka the Leonardo DiCaprio of porn) is pleased to announce that his streak of award-season failure remains unbroken after the conclusion of this year’s Xbiz awards!
Sitting anxiously among the nominees for outstanding achievement in pornographic cinema, Quasar was repeatedly and consecutively gifted a wave of relief as each category predictably revealed a winner who wasn’t named Quasar.
“We all go into events like these with a little bit of hope, but thankfully, my belief that hope is a cruel and pointless human endeavor was once again proven accurate!” said Quasar.
Regarding his long career of mediocrity, Quasar – always the optimist -reflected upon the many benefits of an unbroken record of failure, “Imagine the stress a successful director or performer has to endure upon winning yet another trophy rewarding their contributions to an industry predicated on a delusion that somehow people fornicating for profit is art. I mean, just having to create the shelf space alone for more shiny trinkets in their home must be unimaginably stressful. I, on the other hand, have so much empty shelf space in my home that my biggest issue is dust!”
The Xbiz awards also afforded Quasar the opportunity to repurpose the suit that he had previously worn for his daughter’s wedding weeks earlier. He is now looking forward with great anticipation to another week of stunning underperformance at this year’s coveted AVN awards, where he is confident his streak of disappointment will continue unabated for the 27th year in a row.
For those that don’t get this, this is obviously a joke, taken from a tweet he made in jest about his long and storied career as a director in the adult industry. He likes to poke fun at himself and I kind of like that about him. He doesn’t take hiself to seriously.
So please take a moment and join me in celebrating him and all of those like him in our industry who may not always get the recognition they deserve for all that they do day in and day out.
If nothing else, at least follow him on Twitter at @mikequasar.